Whining

As a preschool teacher, I was taught not to use the word whining with a child.  Although they are indeed whining, I was taught to ignore the whining and try to discern what the child is feeling or needs.

Whining in children is a form of communication that usually occurs when they are frustrated, hungry, tired, or even ill and as a result they need or want something.

When an older child begins whining for a cookie or a toy it is much easier to insist that they use their big kid voice to ask for the item, then after they have succeeded in doing that you can discuss the merits of getting what they asked for. The answer is then a simple yes you can have corn for dinner or no you may not have candy before dinner. You may at this point (depending on the question, general mood and child’s age) use this a teachable moment and offer an explanation.

For your little ones with few words, I suggest you attempt to name what you believe your child wants or needs. Ask “do you need help?” or “can you tell me what you need?” while modeling the tone of voice you would like your child to use in response to your question.                                                                               

To try to avoid whining pay attention to your child’s cues. If you know your child whines just before meals offer a healthy snack and if they are getting tired offer a restful calm activity, nap, or early bedtime.

Pay attention to your child when they are frustrated, is it a frustration that helps them to learn or have they reached a point where the activity is now overwhelming and if it is too much, assist, distract, or redirect them.

Giving in to whining, as with any behavior you do not wish to continue, will reinforce your child’s use of this behavior. Remain calm, model the behavior you expect and respond appropriately.